Notelet XVI: A Drink Offering

Savannah Rothschild saw her reflection in the lake. She had driven to the quiet spot after she'd had enough. She couldn't cope any longer. Should she jump? Was it head in first or feet. Wait, "I think am suppose to leave a note with a message", she muttered to herself. "No need. They all know the reason why", she stopped her thoughts. Anyone would be surprised at seeing such a well put together woman drive down to the lake and think such thoughts. Luckily for her there was no one in sight to ask questions or stop her in her tracks. "I am spent. I don't have anything else to give. They've rung me dry and they still want more" was the recorded messages playing in her head.

She edged forward to the edge of the still, sea blue lake that went on for miles. The weight of what she was about to do weighed on her. Every step now felt like lead. With a huge sigh she jumped into the cold lake feet first. She had never learned to swim and she was glad of it this very day. She started going down throwing her hands and legs hysterically in all directions and gulping a sizeable portion of lake water.

"Mum, mum", called out her teenage son, Derick. "Dad and I are home. What's for dinner?" No answer. Derick speedily went upstairs to find his mother. She could be reading 'Gardener's Weekly' as she did most evenings in the hall. No mum. "Mum?", called Derick again moving between the bedrooms, the pantry and backyard. "Dad, did mum say she'd be out this evening?", asked Derick of his father. "Not that I can recall, son", responded Wayne. "Have you checked the voice messages?", asked Wayne. "Yes dad and there are none", answered Derick. "That is so unlike your mother". "Help me unload the weekly groceries", Derick's father said to him. The two Rothschild men had started to worry. Five hours later at 10.30 in the evening and no sign of Savannah. Her phone was going straight to voicemail. "Dad, do something. Mum could be in danger", came the voice of a concerned son. Wayne got up from his fav leather chair and started pacing the floor thoughtfully...

"My word", said Bernard Lucas. It is very unlike Savannah to miss Book Club. "Since I joined two years ago she's always been present getting here before everyone else and making us hot chocs and choc cookies after each meeting. I was sold on that more than joining the club", Bernard added. "Did she contact any of you to let you know she'd miss today? asked Savannah's assistant Terry. "No", came the chorus from the other 7.

Wayne rushed to the phone as it began to ring as did Derick. "Hello, Savannah?", he said before even finding out who was at the other end. "Wayne, its Mel", came the familiar voice of Savannah's one and only close friend. Am concerned about Sav. She's missed our games night six times in a row now. Each time she gave one excuse or other, Thank God you picked the phone up as I was hoping it would be you. Are things alright between the two of you". "Of course they are Mel", came the confident voice of Wayne. "Savannah is not home. Derick and I didn't come to meet her. No note, no voicemail. In fact I was going to call you but from the sounds of it you don't know where she is either", Wayne said into the receiver.

"Dying is frightening", Savannah thought in a flash. She knew she was drowning. The faces of all her family and friends flashed before her. The same faces that had sapped all the life out of her with their demands and needs. Just then she caught a lifeboat from the corner of her eye. Why was she waving? She wanted to die but wave some more she did. Her light green five pound scarf which for a moment was strangling her became the torch by which she would be spotted as she waved it with all her might. The man in the boat first heard her cries and then saw the scarf. Within seconds he was at her side holding her hands and helping her climb the boat. She was saved. Saved! But from what to what?

She'd wanted to die to end it all. To end a life she'd poured out. She was the gift that kept on giving with no one to replenish her. She was tired, worn out. While lying flat in the boat she realised dying wasn't the answer. The answer was to say no when she needed to say no and not feel bad about it. The answer was to allow others to put back into her. The answer was to set healthy boundaries. She didn't want to die. She wanted to live. Live for the people that mattered most to her in such a way as to keep giving and still have reserves

You are quintessentially special,
Love Abba